Assessment and therapeutic framework
A conjoint session, followed by individual interviews with each partner are conducted. Couples complete questionnaires and then receive detailed feedback on their relationship. The couple and therapist decide on the frequency and duration of the sessions.
Some of the relationship issues that may be addressed in therapy include:
Frequent conflict and arguments
Poor communication
Emotionally distanced couples on the verge of separation
Specific problems such as sexual difficulties, infidelity, money, and parenting
Even couples with “normal” levels of conflict may benefit from Couples Therapy. The aim to help couples build stronger relationships overall and healthier ways to cope with issues as they arise in the future.
Although you may feel your situation is unique, the data and science have found that most marital conflicts fall into two categories: Either they can be resolved, or they are perpetual, which means they will be part of your lives forever, in some form or another.
John Gottman says that 69% of marital conflicts are perpetual problems, and Couples Therapy is designed to support couples across all economic, racial, sexual orientation, and cultural sectors.
The human family is in crisis, and that all individuals are capable of and deserve compassion. It is my mission to reach out to couples in order to help create and maintain greater love and health in relationships.
I am committed to an ongoing program of research that increases the understanding of relationships and adds to the development of interventions that have been carefully evaluated. My goal is to make services accessible to the broadest reach of people across race, religion, class, culture, sexual orientation, and ethnicity.
This approach to seeing relationships – as an attachment bond – and shaping more loving relationships is leading the couple relationship field into a new understanding of romantic love. We now have a map to the territory called love and can empower couples by showing them new systematic ways to take control of dances of disconnection and conflict and, even more important, help each other move into the open close embrace that is a secure loving bond.
Love is intelligible and malleable. You will be able to shift from an obsession with the FALL part of love to the MAKE aspect of love, and make this more than sexual connection. Develop confidence in your ability to work with and mold your most precious love relationships. This changes everything.
goals
The goals of Couples Therapy are to disarm conflicting verbal communication, increase intimacy, respect, and affection, remove barriers that create a feeling of stagnancy in conflicting situations, and create a heightened sense of empathy and understanding within the context of the relationship.
Build Love Maps
How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, his or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?
Share Fondness and Admiration
The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect within a relationship. (To strengthen fondness and admiration, express appreciation and respect.)
Turn Towards Instead of Away
State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to (turn towards) them. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationship.
The Positive Perspective
The presence of a positive approach to problem-solving and the success of repair attempts.
Manage Conflict
Manage conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. Understand that there is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.
Make Life Dreams Come True
Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.
Create Shared Meaning
Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.
Trust
This is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to maximize that person’s best interests and benefits, not just the partner’s own interests and benefits. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”
Commitment
This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey, for better or for worse (meaning that if it gets worse you will both work to improve it). It implies cherishing your partner’s positive qualities and nurturing gratitude by comparing the partner favorably with real or imagined others, rather than trashing the partner by magnifying negative qualities, and nurturing resentment by comparing unfavorably with real or imagined others.
interventions
Interventions are designed to help couples strengthen their relationships in three primary areas: friendship, conflict management, and creation of shared meaning. Couples learn to replace negative conflict patterns with positive interactions and to repair past hurts. Interventions designed to increase closeness and intimacy are used to improve friendship, deepen emotional connection, and create changes which enhances the couples shared goals. Relapse prevention is also addressed.
Couples therapy is difficult if you do not have a map to the potent emotional drama that is a couple fighting for their relationship. Even experienced clinicians may face challenges in their ability to address common barriers that prevent effective relationship repair. Successfully treating couples who have escalating interactions and potentially overwhelming emotions can prove as difficult as addressing emotional shut down and withdrawal.
How to successfully address moments when deep attachment injuries block new corrective experiences of responsiveness and secure bonding for couples?
Couples will learn effective strategies and interventions for common comorbidity issues such as depression, trauma, or other stress-related disorders to improve a couple’s overall therapeutic outcome.
Relationship-checkup
This clinical tool consists of 480 questions about friendship, intimacy, how well you know your part- ner, how you manage emotions and conflict, how you share your values and goals, and what gives meaning to your lives. There are additional questions about parenting, housework, finances, trust, and individual areas of concern. The questionnaire is completely confidential, fully HIPAA compliant, and your spouse will not be able to see your responses.
A new online assessment that automatically scores a couple’s strengths and challenges.
The Gottman Relationship Checkup is a breakthrough in couple’s therapy as it allows for a confidential, efficient way for you to complete the evaluation process. By using this new technology, your assessment can be done at any time and in the setting of your choice! Upon completion, it automatically provides valuable clinical information. You can feel confident in your results. Drs. John and Julie Gottman created this research-based assessment in collaboration with The Gottman Institute to help couples build a personalized treatment plan with their therapist. Dr. John Gottman is a clinical psychologist who has completed more than 40 years of research on couple relationships, and is recognized as one of the top 10 most influential therapists of the last quarter century.